For those of you following the ongoing Food Stamps Fuckshow or my months long attempts to get anyone on this godforsaken earth to let me exchange my life and labour for money, you may be aware that I’m, in a word, Fucked.
For those of you not following such things, well, that summary really just about covers it.
Since it’s the holidays, some of you may have a bit of gift money lying around that you’d like to go to a good cause. If you’re feeling generous, a donation to me would help me pay for electricity (that is, for heating this winter), food, and medication.
Fun fact: even a 1USD donation makes a difference! If all my followers were able to donate 1 dollar a month, I could stop trying to worsen my health and kill myself with out-of-house work that I can only manage for 3 months at a time (and every lapse makes me less hireable! Yay!), because that would completely cover all of my expenses!
I’m 2016 I had a shoplifter role play blog because to avoid getting deleted all the shoplifting blogs claimed it was just to rp. Mine actually was though but I’d post shoplifting content and reblog tips and my “hauls” were just stuff I borrowed from my much more fashionable sister. I had a decent amount of followers and I got a lot of hate but I’d be like “ok buddy I’m just goofing around lol” and then post $150 of Sephora products legally purchased by my sister with the caption #gettingawaywithit. this did not improve my life but it did get me talking to people more often which, obviously, I needed
So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like “Oh! Who’s this?” so I was telling them all about him, how he’s been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I’d brought with me, you know, small talk.
So then a nurse comes over and goes “Okay, I’ve got some stickers I’ll put on your things so we know they’re yours” and I’m like “OK cool” so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I’m like “oh I guess he gets a sticker too”
But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that’s an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:
And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)
Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don’t notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he’s tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.
And I’m like “huh?” so I look at him and I realize
They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy
you have to understand the glass shattering over my head i felt when THIS was the first message i saw from noa after his surgery
gender-affirming surgery is a months-long dark comedy. what the fuck do you mean you’re charging me double for everything. what do you mean they itemize the bill by left and right ball. what the fuck.
You just landed on one of 200 fandoms that have been very popular somewhere on Tumblr over the years. Topics were chosen either from appearing on a @fandom end-of-year recap or from my own long (long, long) site memories before that.
also all of these fandoms are definitely things that really exist in the real world and none of them are Tumblr creations
Would you be able to appear knowledgeable about this topic in a five-minute conversation with someone?
guy who has been reborn one thousand times: wait-wait hold on, i think i get it now.. its about the ritual, its about the wonder, its about the motions.. its benign and all the same it is perpetual, the body is a loan and earth is the real flesh? i am a notch that merges and submerges from the great wave, i am a finger of the universe, this is inevitable time and time again
the eternal king: tch, get a load of this asshole, cut him in half lengthwise this time
shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply
“how dare you say we piss on the poor” in response to someone misinterpreting your post
“_ isnt gonna fuck you” for suck up behavior
“woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?” for who the fuck cares
“and what if the world was made of pudding” for when would this ever matter.
“and sharks are smooth both ways” for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all
“.. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat” for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity
this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that’s just an informative list about slang get this much traction.
